Not Today.

It's the first evening of english literature, while I'm never worried about classes like this, the last thing I want to do is arrive late to the first day.
At the moment it's starting to look like I'm arriving late to the first day.

I got the four small humans where they needed to be, snuck in boyfriend kisses, got a caffinated beverage (or two) and was on my way. Bookbag is packed. Hair is brushed. No make-up. I can't look someone in the eye when mine are watering from misguided drops of mascara or eyeliner.
I park at the far end of campus. When you get too close to the start time everything close to the building turns into a war zone. I'll run to make up my time before I'll pay for a college rage induced fender bender. They can have it.
A sigh of relief rushes over me as I get through the double doors. Officially inside. Unfortunately I've forgotten that the honor society I'm being inducted into next week is doing a meet and greet for the hour leading up to my class. There are 6 minutes left. I still haven't found my new classroom. Exasperated, I accept my fate. I cannot just walk by this advisor to then face him next week. I am wearing red pants...I doubt my stealth. I remember Mr. Frisbee from his emails. The fact that his last name mirrors that of the novelty beach toy also helps to stick it to my brain. It was a crash meeting, but he seems pleasantly surprised that I took the time to say hello and already knew his name. He gives me a little black box. I am undoubtedly welcome. I walk down the hallway just long enough for him to not see me hit a dead sprint. Three minutes left to have my ass in that seat of that classroom I still haven't found.
Low and behold, the mechanic and campus police are around the bend. While it's not mandatory to stop and say hello, I feel obligated. Through crap weather, or sketchy people out in the parking lots, I can honestly say that these are the good guys. Intrigued with the mail jeep last semester they approached me, asking if I was there on work business or personal business. They couldn't believe someone with federal experience would want to come to college, especially when I have to drive through the worst of the north weather to get there. I am too young to be a mail carrier forever I laugh. If they only understood. Very few have time for that story though.
We exchange our friendly welcome back jokes. It is good to see friendly faces. During the evenings of my government class last semester I would see the mechanic weaving in and out of empty rooms. Typical maintenance I'm sure, nothing horrible, but it always made me feel sad. You'd never know it in a conversation, but to watch someone when they think they're alone, you pick up the details. I think he missed someone. I know I do when I'm here all week.
Room 215. I've made it with one minute to spare. Little did I know that chaos was about to ensue. I should've realized it once I figured out the girl seated in front of me was the actually professor of the evening. She finds that it's easier to analyze people when they are surrounded by a group of their peers with no apparent supervision. Not bad...dual Master's degree with honors woman. I'm fairly impressed with the work she puts into depth reading. We play two truths and a lie. I actually giggle inside, who plays this?!? The 19 year old boy in the back of the room lies about his favorite color, the girl next to him lies about how many sisters she has. I am a train wreck of truths. Which happens to make you a Queen at this game.
I have four daughters, I'm at risk for a terminal illness, I've been to rehab.
Maybe I should've worn the make-up.
Strangers are more likely to believe I've done drugs than had babies.
"There's no way you're that old."   (Maybe I should've counted the twins as one)
We analyze poems about suicide and depression. The class, all in all, will be a success. I can work with this. She ends class and I finally have time to open my little black box from honors advisor, Mr. Frisbee. It is simple. The shine makes it beautiful. I attach it to my Jeep keys and throw my ever growing book bag over my shoulder.
This was worth the rush. My life is worth the rush. People, as a whole, are worth the time.

I wanted you to know-
I doubted myself today. For about fifteen minutes. I still managed to get myself together and not lower into the black abyss of what life used to be day in and day out. I've said it before and I'll say it forever.
   Verbal abuse IS domestic abuse. Physical altercations count as well but, when those happen you could call for help and they give you a fancy stack of pink papers to use as justification for restraining orders.
   My cellphone is the only place he can go now to tear me apart. I tried to warn the others. I then got accused of jealousy. The abuser never changes. Only the victim. It's a cyclic chain of abuse. I hope they know it's not just them. It was me too.
My college major is in government. I am not learning for the money. I am learning for the people. Our people. I believe that if you're doing your job in society honestly then there's no way to get rich off of such a career field. Women need help. Good men need protection. But there are so many girls living in situations you'd never want to see them in if you were their parent. My girls deserve better. My friends deserve better. I don't even know her, but the woman sitting next to me on the train deserves better.
I try to lead an open life so that you'll feel like you can too. I do not need anyone following me that doesn't genuinely want to. Being a source for the enemy makes you a traitor. Nobody likes a traitor. Besides maybe other traitors.
People only have as much power and credit as you decide to give them. I am overjoyed to be back. To be honest I don't even know how I ever lived that way or why. I promise my life is not simple and rainbows and butterflies don't shoot out my windows every morning. But if I can recognize what's right and what's wrong I'm hoping that it will give you the strength to do it too. While I have an incredibly busy life to live I am still dealing with a narcissist. Your abuser doesn't have a problem with his anger. He has a problem with your anger. One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes your voice shouldn't rise and your blood shouldn't boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you, he is likely to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse will make you feel straight jacketed. You will start developing physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger. Such as, depression, nightmares, teeth grinding, emotional numbing, eating and sleeping issues, all of which your partner will use as an excuse to belittle you further and make you out as the  crazy, insane one.
Do you remember the story about the dog that got put to sleep?
As a puppy and through it's young life, the man kicked it daily. It became so frightened that even the man walking into the room caused the dog to soil the floor. After a couple years though the dog finally started to grow tired of this. When the man pulled his steel work boot back to kick the dog, the dog lunged and grabbed hold of the back of his knee. He latched on with all his might and what spirit he had left until the warmth of blood soaked his jowls.
The owner literally chucked the dog into the bed of his truck and drove him to the nearest vet. Taking no time to tend to his wound during his rage spree, he used it as evidence that this violent, nasty, rotten dog needed to be put down as a service to the public. He denied ownership of it. He had no idea where it came from, or why it chose to attack him. Seeing how he never properly cared for the dog it didn't even have a record, let alone the proper shots and treatments. No one claimed the dog on the radio. His three days were up. With a heavy and confused heart, the vet inserted the death cocktail. He seemed like such a nice dog. It is too bad that he had to bite that man.

I'm twirling my new, silvery key chain. It spins in the middle. I find it satisfying.
"Not today, life.
I will not be a victim today."

Infant's Acetaminophen Dosages

Acetaminophen is one of the hardest drugs to give correctly, because it's sold in many forms. This chart can help you give your child the right amount. I know through having four babies of my own that with each new baby it seemed there was always a change. Whether it be from belly sleeping to back sleeping or dosing by age to dosing by weight....here's the up and up on Tylenol dosing for now!

Acetaminophen safety tips

• The correct dose for your child is based on weight, not age. If you don't know how much your child weighs and he's too young to stand on a scale, weigh yourself while holding him and then weigh yourself alone. Subtract your weight from the combined weight to get your child's weight.
• Don't give acetaminophen to a baby under 3 months without a doctor’s approval.
• Shake liquid medicine well before measuring.
• Use the measuring device that comes with the medicine and do not give more than recommended. If you lose the device, get a replacement from the pharmacy or use a standard measuring teaspoon (the kind used for baking), not a regular spoon used for eating.
• Never give acetaminophen to a child who's taking other medicine that contains acetaminophen unless a doctor advises it.
• Infants' and children's liquid acetaminophen (both labeled "oral suspension") have the same concentration: 160 mg per 5 ml. The only difference is that the infant version comes with a syringe and the children's version comes with a cup. 
  (Note: A more concentrated version of infant acetaminophen "drops" was discontinued in the United States in 2011 and should be discarded if it’s still in your home. Concentrated infant drops may still be sold in other countries.)
• You can repeat the dose every four hours. Don't give more than five doses in 24 hours.

Huntington's Disease: A Lesson in Love

        Awhile ago I shared with you my family's genetic vulnerability to Huntington's disease. If you missed it, Huntington's disease is an incurable, hereditary brain disorder. There is no (currently) 'effective' treatment or cure. Nerve cells become damaged, causing various parts of the brain to deteriorate. The disease affects movement, behavior and cognition - the affected individuals' abilities to walk, think, reason and talk are gradually eroded to such a point that they eventually become entirely reliant on other people for their care. Huntington's disease has a major emotional, mental, social and economic impact on the lives of patients, as well as their families. It is an atrocious sickness that no human being deserves. I want to share a positive story with you, but you should also see how powerful the disease is.  Below is another family's story to give you an idea. 

         

 Huntington's disease (known as HD to those familiar with it) affects both men and women equally and more commonly appears during middle-age. The Huntington's Society of America says 1 in every 10,000 Americans has the disease - that's 30,000 people nationwide. It is estimated that at least 150,000 other Americans have a 50% risk of developing HD, while thousands of their relatives carry a degree of risk too. The "at risk" category is where I fall. 

(Uncle Jimmy Center, surrounded by his siblings)

 This month my Uncle turned 55. He has HD. A celebration was planned by his sister just for him on his special day.  Family members from 4 generations attended. His aunts and uncles all the way down to his great nephew were in attendance. Everything was perfection, joint laughter filled the air. Cake was gulped down, balloons were everywhere. Smiles were contagious. 
     Silents thoughts stop me momentarily. I catch myself wondering if these memories will remain this way for years to come or if they will turn into painful reminders of what used to be. How we all used to be. But that's the kicker isn't it? Love is such a powerful thing. It brings with it happiness, security and peace. But, when the things we love are lost, we tend to feel the opposite. Pleasant memories become laden with jabs of pain. I realized then that maybe that's why love is ours to give. In a family where a disease can obtain more control than yourself, we learn to value the power over the things we could undoubtedly keep just for us. This is what makes our love strong. We can't take one family member's diagnosis and carry the burden for them. We can't stop the decline when it starts. We can't walk for them when they have lost the ability to. We can't force them to remember our name. The game changer is that we CAN love them. We can always love them.  It's a shoulder to lean on. It's days spent on a party that will only last hours. It's the perfect cozy sweater in the perfect wrapping paper. It's the homemade card covered in crayon. It's in an opened car door and a phone call to make sure you made it home. I didn't know all the people at the party but when I looked out all I could see was acts of love. I felt fuzzy and warm. I could tell Uncle Jimmy felt it too! This is huge. I wonder how we overlook these things every day.

(Uncle Jim & I)

               Maybe you can't always hear it but those cookies your grandma made you, the flat tire your dad changed, the impromptu visit from your sister, the rock your son just gave you......all very big acts of love. So even on the days when you feel like you have nothing to offer the world, always try to complete at least ONE selfless task a day. Don't wait for something negative to happen to realize you wish you could do more. Call your grandparents, hug your children twice - just because, hold that door for a stranger, let your sister borrow your car...or maybe even those jeans she really likes that you refuse to share. Bring your co-workers donuts on a rough day. Help the neighbor shovel snow off their steps. Smile at a stranger. 
      We can't control everything and we never will, but if we're here together anyways why not make it easier for each other when we get the chance. You'll never know how much it means to the person you do it for, or how greatly it will touch the people watching you. 

Shattering Silence: A Stand Against Domestic Violence

My name is Sam and this is just a part of my story. There may be others similar but this one is mine, please try not to criticize if you know me or the people whose names I've changed specifically for this post. This was my past year's experience....unless you were here with me to counter it then keep the hate to yourself.  Each year for my birthday I try to give back to others by taking something I've learned and sharing it. My 24th year was a big one! This isn't my favorite share nor do I enjoy writing about it.....but it's relevant and I know there's more of you out there. Let's start simple with a definition....

Domestic violence....
and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:
name-calling or put downs
keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
withholding money
stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
actual or threatened physical harm
sexual assault
stalking
intimidation
Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

  

 The Backdrop: 

       I was still a teenager when my family started talking about marriage. Surprisingly, not a topic I'd ever really looked forward to. I valued myself and relished the feeling of freedom. Most little girls became giddy at the thought of a ball gown paired with princess heels and a prince on a valiant white steed carrying them off to be domesticated (gag).  I was personally more entertained by the thought of being the first female war lord (imagine Mulan minus the love junk), slashing all adversaries down with a sword larger than myself to maintain leadership over my set kingdom. Apparently my ambitions were slightly off from the usual expectation. With 3 kids at the age of 18 I was badgered daily over my relationship status and how the proper thing to do would be to marry to make my situation more appeasing to the general public. 

The Reasoning:

        When I was young I had always loved kids, but never thought I would have my own. An accidental pregnancy at 16 while I was class president proved otherwise. There were options but none seemed more viable than loving the life I created. After starting my family young I decided I wanted to finish it young as well having 4 beautiful girls by the time I was 20. My plans of having no offspring of my own had changed drastically and I couldn't be more thankful. To this day I wouldn't change a single part of who my children are. 

The Mistake: 

    I never expected a story book romance, the world can be a cruel place and most people set themselves up for disappointment right from the start with their unrealistic expectations. The sick part was the fact that I knew X wasn't right for me and I chose to step farther into the relationship instead of getting out like I should have. Why? Because, it was easier....leaving takes so much work and energy and involves so much change. This is where I blame myself. Hindsight is 20/20 and some times we can't see things clearly until they're behind us. That change was not something I put at the top of my list with all the young children and work to keep up with. It should have been a priority, it effected me daily and I underestimated how much damage it could actually do. I had beautiful kids and most smiled upon my family with praise at a job well done. I could deal with this. It wasn't actually that bad....was it?? 

The Outcome: 

      Let's fast forward through 3 years of marriage. Each year things got continually worse. Out of shame and fear of judgement by others I tried to deal the best I could. Only letting the secrets out when the wounds were to deep and the tears fell to hard. I wasn't a crier. I wasn't weak. My best friend of 10 years (Mercedes), knew this so each time she got a break-down call about how badly it was going she'd beg me to get out. I'd realize how stupid I felt crying over a man and become defensive, telling her it was going to be okay and that I could handle it. I had to suck it up for the kids. Fast forward another year....I can't handle it. X had managed to gain control that I never realized I lost. Not only was I losing the control, I was losing myself.  Instead of a weekly blowout, fights started to become daily. Here's a sample list of common occurrence:

* Any time you go out with a friend or speak to someone you will automatically become a whore, slut, skank, c^%t. 

*Whenever you go out with a skirt, dress or a shirt with the V-cut neck you will also be called the above names and be accused of sexual adventures you could never imagine.

* When you try to argue for your respect you will be assumed to be mentally ill/crazy and be told that you are sick and need serious professional help.

*They will threaten to tell your boss whatever may be necessary for you to lose your job so that you are financially isolated and unable to leave because they have cut off all resources.  

*When you threaten to leave, you will be told how worthless you are and how no-one could ever deal with you, let alone want you. You will also be threatened with loss of your children. If you go, they will make sure you lose everything you've ever loved. If you go they will make good on promises they made you years ago about what would happen if you leave them. If they can't have you then no-one will have you.  

* When you say you're going to tell family they will counter with saying you are mentally unstable again and that if you tell you'll also get a one way ride to the insane asylum. You will be reminded of how lucky you are to have that person and that you should be on your knees in praise instead of being so disobedient. My family had very little knowledge of these incidents because to me it felt like admitting failure. I was failing as a woman, I was failing as a mother. X's family however knew of a few because they happened in a back room of their house or he'd go there after a big blow out. With respect to them I never remember them saying it was deserved or completely my fault. I remember them saying that it had to stop. Not just for me or X but for the kids. They knew it was getting worse and it wasn't healthy. They knew the tempers involved.  

* You will need to keep the spice alum on hand for any given fight that can turn physical. Not wanting to seek medical attention at a doctor's office for a swollen lip that wasn't healing I discovered that this pickling spice will painfully suck out pooled fluids causing the swollen area to minimize. I used this method five times in one year.

*You will need to keep windows open in the house when possible. Some times X would escalate from the usual fist throw to the choke hold. Believe it or not this can actually be more powerful than any shiner you've had. When the person with their hands around your throat weighs at least 100lbs more than you and your eyes feel like they're about to burst from the pressure you will try to scream for help with whatever oxygen you have left.....make sure that window is open so your neighbors can hear.  

* You will need to blame the bruised eye or facial marks on the rowdy kids you have at home and their toy throwing. Be ready to have people second guess this one.....it never goes over too smoothly with suspicious friends or family. 

*You will need long sleeve (non V neck shirts) for the matching arm bruises for the times when you try to walk out the door and they find it necessary to stop you by holding you forcefully in place where you stand. 

The Escape: 

        People will tell you to be strong enough to get through the rough times....that's crap. The real strength is needed to leave, not to stay. On a clear summer night the girl I was, before this relationship, came through to me. She pleaded for change. Everything in me felt like it was dying, I begged the stars for the strength to make it happen. I told X for months that it needed to change, I received the usual backlash for such suggestions. The victim in me became furious, I started making my changes. When I started to show control I was met with the utmost force. 

 My bank accounts started to clear out....finances were drained. 

My cell phone chargers would be cut.....

Any interaction would lead to police response, on this specific day he argued that he needed his guns before I could destroy them....they made him leave....and he took the guns with him.... 


The front door was smashed which meant it was necessary to go buy a new door...with new locks....it was wintertime, so it couldn't wait.  




He attempted to forcefully remove the kids from the house until I "smartened up" and had time to think about how stupid I had been...this lead to my mother showing up because of my hang up call yelling for help. When she got to my house I was being dragged....she told him to let go and for the kids to get in her car. After she showed up X called to have family send the cops, I was told to be fully responsible of course.....I assure you I wouldn't free bleed for nothing. The patrol insisted they couldn't arrest just one, they were told I was the attacker. So for me to walk....X got to walk too. It was after this altercation that I started filing court papers. He was now living with his new girlfriend and I had hoped that would keep him occupied. 

After pink domestic dispute reports piled up to a level that couldn't be ignored I filed for a protective order for myself and the kids (times when he'd say he was taking them for a visit he decided to not tell me where they were or bring them home, those were rough nights). Alarms to detect unwanted presence and cameras to record any interactions were also installed.  

When it seemed like I was finally making some progress I started receiving court papers backed by his newly discovered soul-mate. The first accusing me of being an unfit parent and that the courts needed to remove the children immediately from me before harm came to them......the charges were dismissed and the kids never had to leave home, The second accused me and the people around me of extensive drug use....tests were conducted and results taken to court.....negative for all drugs and substances.  Now that I had all of my family court issues in order I thought there'd be breathing room with less tension involved....again I was wrong. When I paid in full and I filed my divorce papers X contested it. 





The Conclusion:

I don't have all of the answers and I don't know exactly how it will all play out but I know this battle has made me a much stronger version of myself, for that I am grateful. It's worth every lawyer fee and every trip to court. I finally stood up and did the things I needed to.  Never was I more disappointed then when I finally woke up to see how wrong I was living. Letting someone else have that control over my life just wasn't me. I didn't even know how bad it had gotten until I got out. I couldn't be happier now. No-one should feel that much despair. I know there are things I could've done differently and I know I don't make the best victim. My family seemed so shocked that I concealed so much. But that's where the silence comes in, and we're silent out of embarrassment. Most who talk to me or seek advice do it because I seem strong to them. To those who thought my situation was ideal, I am sorry. To all that I hid the truth from and told much more pleasant lies to, I am sorry.    
         I can tell you that if you're still reading this than it probably resonates with you or a past situation you were in or friends, parents or grandparents were in. You are not alone. It's not "just" you, you are not wrong or crazy and there are many ways to get out of a place you never should have been. The first part of solving this problem is realizing that there's a problem and not being ashamed to admit it. Shame for such things is not yours to carry, it is their actions that wronged you. There needs to be less silence and more action. Shame has no place here. It can happen to anyone and does not care whether you are a weak or strong person. Control is not love and love does not mean ultimate control. The important part is to have the ears and support you need to stop whatever violence issue you may be in and understand that there is nothing wrong with you. We can only decide our own actions. Accept nothing less than what you'd want your daughters or sons to have. If you wouldn't find it acceptable for them then you definitely shouldn't deem it acceptable for you. It's really never to late to write yourself a better ending. 

Addiction: When the Bottles are all Empty

    I heard a bottle pop today, when you set it down, I sipped.....it wasn't very tasty.
Halloween night, both of us ready. No candy for us.....you couldn't walk steady.

I heard a bottle pop today, unfortunately for us, you were too sick to come out and play.
We giggled and laughed the evening away, but not you, the arguing lasted most the night and half of that day.

I saw the bottle pop today, I'm no longer four. It's weird how now I realize, you're actually passed out on the floor.

The years pass by and your method has been tried and tested, not much to show for how much you've invested. They hide in the cabinets, they hide behind the fridge, I guess this is proper behavior for one that may need a binge.

I found a bottle stash today. Cops bring me back, apparently it's me who's character lacks. When a teenager leaves home it doesn't matter how much you've poured.....how easily that enormous fact was ignored. 
      I take the blame and I feel the guilt, meanwhile your cries should be for your own help.

We struggle and battle. I can't keep up, with the amount of self pity, your hiding in that cup.

You popped too many bottles this day. The ambulance came and took you away. Off to the hospital to make you feel better, they couldn't figure out why you were so under the weather. In loyalty I shook my head and turned away. I said I had no idea what was causing your pain.

They let you come home, they said you were all better. To my relief I finally thought maybe we had it together. Two months in, I saw that damn bottle pop open again.

I no longer hear those bottles pop, instead I wait for the phone calls you don't remember you dropped. You've called all the family, you've called all the neighbors, awkward for me comes pretty standard. I've attempted before to bring drunk you back down, to realize that maybe it really is safer on sober ground. The help came and left when you declined their advances. They look at me crazy, like I'm the one doing drunk dances.

I've  begged for your health, for sanity, for real laughter. So that maybe our relationship wouldn't be such a disaster. I'd do anything to make all your bad days feel better... but it's not me in control, by now you should know better.

I know the bottles will continue to pop, until you figure out it's time to stop. Let me tell you a secret. I'll sit and I'll wait while you continue to pour. Later these bottles will be empty but tomorrow you can buy more. I am only one person, I'm not sure what to expect, but each day it feels a little more like regret. 
I'll give you what I've got, so please take my help while you still can. The bottles will be to full to fall over and I'll be to empty to stand. I'll be powerless while alcohol wins this battle over man.

My Name is Sam and I'm "At Risk"

        Let me start you with the basics. My name is Sam. I'm in my mid 20's. I originally started blogging 6 years ago during maternity leaves doing parenting reviews. My blogging interests have tweaked with the passing years. I am working on updates. I have four beautiful kids, all under the age of 10. I work for the USPS as a "mailman/lady". There's not a down moment in most of my days and I wouldn't change it for anything. 
     For ten years I've lived with the knowledge that there's a potential monster lurking in my body. I don't know when it would appear.... or if it's even there. At 14 I witnessed my grandmother's slow cancerous decline into her passing. At the time I believed it to be the cancer that took her away. I didn't know the deadlier culprit was already in her blood and that it had been coursing through her veins her entire life. The genetic testing revealed Huntington's Chorea. Other family members knew what it meant. I did not. There's a stigma attached to family secrets. They aren't suppose to be told. Why something medical fell into this category I never understood. Ironically the genetics that bond us all together are the same ones that could kill us. While overhearing conversations it was always referred to as "the family disease". We were all affected, whether we admitted it at the time or not. 

My Aunt who inspires me daily. She spends much of her free time with my Uncle.
He has confirmed HD 

            My grandparents had 5 children. (I inserted a diagram below to help show how the gene is passed over time). In the past decade one has been diagnosed and placed in nursing home care. He is one of the most beautiful people I know and with the care he receives he's improved greatly but his diagnosis will never change, there is no cure. He has no children so there's no-one else at risk. Two others went through the mentally grueling process of genetic testing and to the relief of many, both tested negative. This cleared not only them but a total of 6 kids (my first cousins) and 2 grandchildren. Two others have not been tested, this is a personal choice and what they are comfortable with. It is their right. Without the test results for those branches of family there are 3 kids at risk, counting myself. If the gene was passed to my parent I have a 50/50 chance of being positive as well. 
           In the beginning it was always taught to keep quiet. I believe there needs to be acceptance and admission. Shame has no place here. There is power in knowledge, power that can help wipe out the fear associated with all Huntington's Disease brings. If everyone hides away that which scares them so deeply, how will we ever find each other and get the help and treatment that's needed? I don't want answers in 20 years. It will be to late. I need them now. My family needed them generations ago. My name is Sam and I'm "at risk" for Huntington's Disease. Regardless of how my testing ends HD will always be a part of my life because it's a big part of my family's history.  

           Until further testing is done I try to live like I would if I'd received a positive result. That way there can be no regret. There is so much I have to do and so much left to feel. The lingering chance that I may not know who I am in 25 years drives me. Very few people knew the risk. I try to leave little bits of myself all over so that if I'm unable to, my children and grandchildren can find me. I leave my marks randomly on paper, in pictures, up mountains and down streams. In everyone I meet and everywhere I go it's my hope that I left something worthy of remembrance. I will share my story with you in the hopes that it can be shared with someone else in my situation. To make a difference in one person's life would be enough. There are days with moments of sheer silence, only open eyes. I need to take it all in. To watch my kids play, to hear their laughs and know someday those sounds could be taken. That silly song they sing constantly in the car, I won't even remember it. Being told I'm loved won't sound the same. Childhood memories will be just theirs to share. I won't be able to reminisce on how each story goes.
       How unfair it would be of me to keep the risks to myself and not share the negative possibilities with the ones that care about me.... I told him. He didn't run. Most days it isn't even a topic worth conversing. We have lots to do. We want to do those things together. He makes my heart race. It just works. While mid adventure I will often stop to look at the surroundings and the man in front of me. I love him immensely, I don't want to forget a thing. Nothing should be allowed to touch feelings placed safely in the heart. I know each soft spot on his hands. I won't let them go.  
              I'm a physical person with an athlete's mind. I love the challenges I can give my body to make it stronger. Nonetheless these muscles I work for now could be the same ones that run me into walls and drop me off staircases later. I talk......constantly. With HD it's possible to choke to death on saliva while conversing or eating.....daily. You spend your life building everything into the person you want to be. A rare terminal genetic disease could take all of mine away, I will build anyways. 
     I have included some facts on the disease and given you many facts about my own journey. If you're in my situation or you've been down this path I hope you reach out. I'm open to any contacts. It's my hope to continually share and update my journey with you. It's a process where I'm not even sure how it ends. People assume terminal illness has a specific look or that it could never be them. I'm only one living in the at risk category of thousands, but this is what it looks like. To me, this is normal. Living every day knowing something in my DNA could eventually appear and wreak havoc on everything I know. So when you catch up with me and you think I'm living to fast or pushing to hard try to remember where I'm coming from and then feel free to join me. 

Huntington's disease (HD) is a neurodegenerative genetic disorder that affects muscle coordination and leads to mental decline and behavioral symptoms. Symptoms of the disease can vary between individuals and affected members of the same family, but usually progress predictably. The earliest symptoms are often subtle problems with cognition. A general lack of coordination and an unsteady gait often follows. As the disease advances, uncoordinated, jerky body movements become more apparent, along with a decline in mental abilities and behavioral symptoms . After the onset of Huntington's disease, a person's functional abilities gradually worsen over time. The rate of disease progression and duration varies. The time from disease onset to death is often about 10 to 20 years.
The clinical depression associated with Huntington's disease may increase the risk of suicide. Some research suggests that the greater risk of suicide occurs before a diagnosis is made and in middle stages of the disease when a person has begun to lose independence.
Eventually, a person with Huntington's disease requires help with all activities of daily living and care. Late in the disease, he or she will likely be confined to a bed and unable to speak. However, he or she is generally able to understand language and has an awareness of family and friends.
Common causes of death include: Pneumonia or other infections, Injuries related to falls, Complications related to the inability to swallow. Physical abilities gradually worsen until coordinated movement becomes difficult. Mental abilities generally decline into dementia. Complications such as pneumonia, heart disease, and physical injury from falls reduce life expectancy to around twenty years from the point at which symptoms begin. Physical symptoms can begin at any age from infancy to old age, but usually begin between 35 and 44 years of age. The disease may develop earlier in life in each successive generation. 
HD is the most common genetic cause of abnormal involuntary writhing movements called chorea, which is why the disease used to be called Huntington's chorea. The disease is caused by an autosomal dominant mutation in either of an individual's two copies of a gene called Huntingtin. This means a child of an affected person typically has a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. The Huntingtin gene provides the genetic information for a protein that is also called "huntingtin". Expansion of a CAG (cytosine-adenine-guanine) triplet repeat stretch within the Huntingtin gene results in a different form of the protein, which gradually damages cells in the brain, through mechanisms that are not fully understood. 



There is no cure for HD, and full-time care is required in the later stages of the disease. 

     Existing pharmaceutical and non-drug treatments can relieve many of its symptoms.
The genetic basis of HD was discovered in 1993 by an international collaborative effort spearheaded by the Hereditary Disease Foundation. Research and support organizations, first founded in the 1960s and increasing in number, work to increase public awareness, to provide support for individuals and their families, and to promote and facilitate research. Current research directions include determining the exact mechanism of the disease, improving animal models to expedite research, clinical trials of pharmaceuticals to treat symptoms or slow the progression of the disease, and studying procedures such as stem cell therapy with the goal of repairing damage caused by the disease. (Excerpt From The HDSA) 

FeverAll Acetaminophen Suppositories

 

 

Why should I keep FeverAll^® in my medicine cabinet, you ask? Four big reasons!

1. Benzocaine teething gels are a no-no. Earlier this year, the FDA advised against using teething medicine containing benzocaine commonly found in teething gels. Acetaminophen is safe when used as directed and is commonly recommended by pediatricians as a temporary pain reliever for teething.

2. As a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. With FeverAll^®, you will be ready to temporarily relieve your infant’s or child’s pain and reduce fever, even when you are unable to get them to take liquid acetaminophen orally due to fussiness, vomiting, spitting up, or spitting out.

3. FeverAll^® is trusted: It’s an Official Recommended Product of “Mommy MD Guides” (http://www.mommymdguides.com/), and parents and healthcare providers have relied on the accuracy and ease-of-use of FeverAll^® for more than 30 years to temporarily relieve pain and reduce fever.

4. There’s nothing else like it: FeverAll^® is the top national brand of acetaminophen in suppository form and FeverAll^® Infants’ Strength (80 mg) is the ONLY acetaminophen suppository approved for infants as young as six months.

FeverAll^® is available at major retailers and drugstores across the U.S., such as CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, and Walmart, for a suggested retail price of approximately $7.00 for a package of six suppositories. FeverAll^® is available in three strengths, ranging from Infants to Children’s and Jr. Strength for kids up to 12 years of age. Learn more about FeverAll^® at www.FeverAll.com and join our community at www.Facebook.com/FeverAll.

 

My baby girl starting her teething journey!

 

 



 

 

My Take: 

 

        I'm a mommy to 4 children age 5 and under....needless to say I have encountered many times where my teething or sick babies needed medication and over the past 5 years what has been considered "safe" has changed dramatically, which is a scary thing for parents! I have had babies teething when the Tylenol recall happened and all were pulled from shelves, I have used Hyland's teething tablets when they were pulled from shelves and I used the teething gels shortly before the FDA declared them unsafe due to the benzocaine. It's a SCARY thing! When I was informed about the FeverAll Acetaminophen Suppositories I was also scared, BUT for a different reason. Between you and me I have never actually had to administer one before. I was trained to do it in one of my past jobs but never had to put my knowledge into action. To ease your mind though here is why I am still using FeverAll - it wasn't hard at all!!! Granted the first time was a bit different for my baby girl and I but by taking the chance I KNEW what amount of medication she had (since she wasnt spitting out liquid all over) and I saw the relief she got from it and it was QUICK! Not only will it reduce a fever when she has one but last month alone she got 7 teeth (seriously...yea...Seven!) and she was in much less pain after giving her the FeverAll. The most important thing for me as a mom on this journey is to do what is safe for my girls and right now FeverAll is the only thing I still feel safe using after what I saw happen to all the other meds I use to use. If you are in the same position I was in a few months ago please give them a try. Not only will it ease your mind but your infant/toddler/child will feel the relief too!  

 

Win your own FeverAll (Infant's Strength ages 6-36 months) and a FeverAll branded Cool Pack!

INSTRUCTIONS BELOW!

*To enter please just leave your email below in the comments section and tell me what you normally use to give your child when they are teething/running a fever!

*Giveaway will end November 16th 2012 where then I will use a random number generator to pick a number (I will match the number picked with what number your comment was on the list and then email the winner)

*Winner will have 24 hours to reply to my email or another winner will be picked!

*Must be 18+ to enter!

THANK YOU & GOOD LUCK! :) :)

DISCLAIMER: this post was sponsered by the above company in exchanged for my honest opinions!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Genesis Today Power Rangers Juice Boxes

Genesis Today Power Rangers Juice Boxes

NO Artificial Sweeteners, NO Artificial Flavors, NO Artificial Colors, NO Preservatives, NO HFCS, NO Toxins, NO Chemicals

All-Natural consumer products that:

Taste delicious,

Are cost effective,

Provide maximum nutrition to the 60 Trillion growing & developing cells of all children’s bodies

ISSUE:  Childhood Obesity and Lack of Nutritious Choices in Drinks
    Over the past three decades, childhood obesity rates in America have tripled. (letsmove.gov)Today, nearly one in three children in America is overweight or obese. (letsmove.gov)
If we don’t solve this problem, one third of all children born in 2000 or later will suffer from diabetes at some point in their lives.  (letsmove.gov) Soft drink consumption rose more than 50% among kids from 1977 to 1997.  The prevalence of obesity also roughly doubled in that time. (National Center for Health Statistics)Due to campaigns such as Michele Obama’s “Let’s Move,” moms are becoming much more aware of the products they purchase and this trend will continue

COMPARISONS OF CHILDREN’S JUICE DRINKS

	Genesis Today Power Blast	Capri Sun Fruit Punch	Hi-C Flash Fruit Punch	Minute Maid Just 10 Fruit Punch
Calories	25	60	90	10
Sugars	4 g	16g	25g	2g
% Juice	10%	10%	10%	5%
Vitamin C	150% DV	0% DV	100% DV	100% DV
Vitamin B6	25% DV	0% DV	0% DV	0% DV
Vitamin B12	250% DV	0% DV	0% DV	0% DV
Vitamin D	10% DV	0% DV	0% DV	0% DV
Minerals	Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc	NONE	NONE	Calcium
Omega-3 DHA	5mg	0mg	0mg	0mg
Superfruits	100mg	0mg	0mg	0mg
B-Vitamin Support      Blend for Active Kids	YES	NO	NO	NO
Artificial Ingredient	NONE	NONE	HFCS,  Artificial Flavors	Sucralose, Acesulfame Potassium

Power Rangers Popularity:
#1 Kids Action Series across all of Television

  #1 for boys ages 2-11 years old
Top rated series on Nicktoons
467,620 “Super Fans online and growing


My Take:

With 4 children under the age of 5 what everyone eats and drinks in my house is an everyday battle......Do you go healthy?Cheap?Buy the same things every shopping trip? Get what sounds good? Get what's easiest?  I never knew becoming a mom also meant becoming a nutritionist but I know now it comes with the territory! As it states above....we are raising children that have a 1 in 3 chance of being overweight....odds like that aren't something I can just brush off! My normal pick for juice boxes is actually listed second on the chart above (Capri Sun) and after trying Genesis Today Power Blast Juice Boxes I can firmly state that I won't be purchasing Capri Sun again for my children.....it has 4 TIMES more sugar in it with none of the "good benefits" that Genesis Today Power Blast Juice Boxes have.....why pay the same amount of money for a less appealing product...it makes no sense in my "mom brain"! My favorite was actually the blueberry power blast box, it had a great taste and blueberry is not a flavor I normally see in a juice box! The Power Rangers on the juice box can also be a deal breaker for most kids....I personally told my kids that these juice boxes "will make you strong and healthy like a power ranger" which in all honesty when you look at the facts its the best option out there to get that effect for your children! You can know your giving you children something healthier to drink while not having to pay more for it! Simply add it to your grocery list this week, you have nothing to lose! Click this link for more information and also check the store locator to find the closest place near you carrying this product ........mines a Wal-Mart about 20 minutes away!! Which makes me super happy! In a world where everything is about ease and cost its easy to forget to look into the other important stuff.....but with the problems facing our children down the road we have to remember to look out for them! :)

 Disclaimer: This post was written for the sponsor who provided the complimentay product for review in exchange for my honest opinions. They also provided the giveaway prize!

Enter Below by July 27th 2012 to win a free package of Genesis Today Power Rangers Juice Boxes! You must be 18+ and live in the U.S. You may enter daily! GOOD LUCK!